A formal diagnosis

Last week I received a formal diagnosis.  After years of feeling like an alien I am having to accept that, yes, I do have Asperger’s Syndrome.  It’s good that I have a diagnosis but it is a case of so what.  It still doesn’t change anything.  It makes my life make more sense but I am uncertain whether that is a positive.  I am going to make some notes on here as I find this the easiest format for accessing my brain and they will allow me to reflect (in my osteopathy course we have to use reflection as a say of evaluating our patient interactions in the teaching clinic).

I spent my childhood being a very quiet girl.  I was considered shy and at school deemed odd and often got teased or people said things that troubled me.  I had very good manners because I was taught them and I received elocution lessons so I don’t have a northern accent.  However, once I got to secondary school my good manners and accent seemed to annoy some people.  That meant you were posh and more and more people started telling me I was too polite and that it irritated them (as an adult I realise that too many people in my life had opinions about how I should be that had little to do with them and how I am was none of their business).  When I think back I wish I had ignored quite a lot of the people who were being so negative towards me.

I watched films like Aliens and learned a lot of bad language.  I didn’t like it but apparently once you are not a child you are meant to swear and good manners are annoying.   I remained polite in my workplaces.  That seemed to be ok (and I like being polite and I do like good manners).  However, regular people seem to dislike nice behaviour and good manners.  I am told now, after years of being told I was too polite, that I am now too impolite and rude (often by my parents who told me “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.” However, that seems to be another phrase that people don’t really mean.)  I use swear words to express how I feel sometimes (I don’t actually like to use them but that is what grown ups use and they use them in films and on TV and pretty much everywhere).  It seems that it is hard to please anyone.  If I speak nicely I get told that is wrong; if I speak using bad language (which everyone else seems to be allowed to use) that is wrong too.  Right now I would like to be me and accepted for being me.  I realise as a coach that is maybe what everyone wants.  Maybe so many people are trying to live their lives based on what other people’s opinions were and are that they feel they can’t be who they truly are so they add to peer pressure on other people rather than working out who they really are inside.

 

30 days of a hair supplement

“Interviewer: ‘So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?’
Frank Zappa: ‘You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?”

I have reached the 30-day mark of taking a supplement called HairAnew by Naturenetics aimed at hair and I promised the manufacturers I would write an honest review.

I received the supplement for free.  I made it clear at the start that I know the biology of hair growth.  It doesn’t grow in 30 days so I was rather skeptical that I would notice any improvements.  In fact, when a hair falls out, during what is called the telogen phase, it takes around 90 days for the hair follice to be reactivated and grow hair again.  The hairs that are already on my head and growing (the anagen phase) do so from the scalp so any hair that has already emerged would not be affected by the supplement so any split ends etc were not going to be miraculously sealed (that takes scissors).

I have long hair.  When I was in my late teens it was down to my waist and grew easily to there. Since I had my miscarriage my hair has never been quite the same (not helped by the severe anaemia I endured).  I even had a bald patch for a bit when it was really bad but I was determined not for vanity’s sake but for enthusiasm for life’s sake to make changes so I researched what was needed to beat the anaemia and had help from herbalists, an aromatherapy friend and also read loads.  It took almost a year to really make a difference but these past 6 months I have been lapse in my eating habits which once again has taken a toll on my hair.

“Beware of her fair hair, for she excels
All women in the magic of her locks;
And when she winds them round a young man’s neck,
She will not ever set him free again.”  Goethe
Anyway here is my verdict.  First off the supplement gave me no side effects like indigestion (one main brand I cannot take as it gives me bad reflux so it was nice that HairAnew agreed with me). I felt the ingredients from sea vegetables like kelp met my standards.  Second, I feel it has made a difference to my wellbeing and I feel my scalp is healthier.  I’ve had comments made about my hair looking shiny and bouncy and near the scalp itself my hair does seem less ‘flat’.  Me being me means I am aware of placebo effect but I have had a number of people who would not say anything nice about my hair normally say how it was looking healthier and thicker (I have had a lot of new growth so this could be due to the time of year and coincidence). However, I have not been using different shampoo nor conditioner so I am wondering if it is the result of the supplement as this time of year my hair normally goes worse with central heating and the holiday food indulgences.  Anyway, I am going to keep taking it and will be purchasing a new bottle.  I have reduced the dose in the past week to one capsule a day rather than two as they are quite high.

Would I recommend this to others?  Yes.  My caveat would be though that if you are taking any medication you definitely need to discuss the supplement ingredients with your pharmacist or doctor.  Ginko Biloba is one of the ingredients so anyone on blood thinners needs to be aware of this.  Also if you are on a good diet already then you will be receiving a lot of the RDA already and either you will be weeing out some of the active ingredients or you could end up on more than you need.

About me:  I’m mother to a teenager and currently studying osteopathy.  I work as a massage therapist, reflexologist and health coach (yes, there’s a theme – I love holistic health).  My website is here.

Natural infant elimination communication

Yes, it’s quite a long title.  I practised this with my daughter when she was little.  What is Natural infant Elimination Communication?  Well it’s basically the principle that mammals don’t usually soil their nest (although early days do involve something that would not be appropriate when mothers clean up babies with their tongues – yep not going to go there) and that our modern use of nappies is based on being misled into how human infants behave and develop.

When my baby was little I was lucky enough to have heard from several mothers who told me about a book called Diaper Free and about Elimination Communication aka Natural Infant Hygiene.  I also heard from mothers who were pre-WW2 generation and they too didn’t use nappies/diapers in the way they are used now.  Me being me, started to ask questions about why and how nappies were introduced into the mindset of people and used and what the truth was (sadly my studying of developmental psychology and my natural curiousity means I tend to look deeper into things which at times can be frustrating because sometimes I feel the world is asleep to things it needs to be awake for).

In summary, diapers/nappies were marketed to parents in a way that has misled quite a few generations.  My generation was a cloth nappy one as the disposables were only starting to be used and were not well made due to the technology of the time.  My mum used to use Terry nappy cotton squares and plastic underpants that acted as a water proof barrier.  She gave me some to use but my daughter was a 6 lber and they were huge on her and uncomfy.  Also, the soaking and the washing was something I found hard as I didn’t have a washing machine when my daughter was very little so cloth nappies would have been really hard work.  Alhough I tried a few of the more modern cloth nappies with velcro etc and they were better fitting and more comfy I still found they were not easy to utilise and environmentally they required detergents and a lot of water.  I didn’t like the idea of the landfill from disposables either plus all the chemicals that go into the production of modern nappies.  Although there are biodegradeable ones out there like Nature boy/girl at the time, from Scandinavia, and although they were good in terms of effective I still didn’t agree with the environmental impact.  Also I had issues with how long babies who are in ‘wick away’ nappies end up using them for.  Many people I knew had older toddlers and even school age children using nappies because… Well here is the because – the principles behind it all.

1. Babies don’t want to soil their nest so they normally communicate before micturition (wee) and defecation (poo).  Communication is a 2-way process – baby signifies something and it is up us the adult to notice, interpret and then take appropriate action. However, with clever marketing we were taught to ignore these toileting signals in the belief that babies are incapable  unless they use nappies.  When you place an infant into a diaper (nappy) two things happen.  First the adult has less need to keep baby clean and away from wee and poop as the nappy does that job (well poop needs changing urgent but wee, especially with the modern brands of disposable nappies gets wicked away into the lining so baby wees, and over a short time the sensation of being wet ceases.  Once this goes on for a while baby stops communication (because they get ignored) and also stops noticing the urine/faeces as they desensitise to their own bodily functions.  Slightly wet becomes the new norm as the nappy/diaper rather than the response of the adult to elimination is first in line.
2. On my reading of Diaper Free which deconstructs how we got to using so many diapers in the first place it became clear that the paediatrician in the USA who wrote about development of maturity in terms of being ready for not being diapered (in nappies) had very vested interests.  He was being sponsored by the new diaper companies who were emerging and instead of declaring that interest covered it up and – well money has influence.  Whole generations now believe that babies are born without an awareness of the sensation of toileting and that they can’t be trusted not to need diapers/nappies.  The marketing made the belief that babies are immature and unaware of bodily function as the norm.
3. With limited parental rights for maternity and paternity care diapers are very convenient and generate a lot of income for some very big corporations who a) ensure that government doesn’t scupper the financial feedback loop and b) do a lot to work against parental leave.  It does take a very aware caregiver to learn the initial concept and be able to home in on an infant’s toileting cues.  However, once it is picked up and not ignored and as baby develops and matures they get more adept at being able to communicate and that means it’s much easier for other caregivers to also learn.

So what does this mean?  Well in simple terms it means that nappies are the problem, not the solution.    It means that instead of worrying about cloth versus disposable it would be better to go and deconstruct as Ingrid Bauer did in her book Diaper Free (sadly out of print) where our beliefs around nappy use come from and then work with the facts on how babies perceive elimination.  Neither cloth nor disposable are better in terms of environmental impact. According to  research neither are environmentally friendly as it depends what environment you live in – water in short supply in some regions can mean issues plus use of detergents and then with landfill disposable are a problem too – the mainstream brands being made of lots of components that do not breakdown easily and many of which are toxic.  And yes that does say toxic.  Basically when you use many of the mainstream nappy brands you are placing a chemical cocktail onto your infant’s skin and near membranes that can easily absorb them.

The solution:

From early on believe that the wisdom of your ancestors can win.  As humans we are mammals.  We are also skilled communicators.  If we stop watching TV for a bit and instead notice our infants and tune into them we can learn how they communicate.  If we trust in ourselves that sometimes mistakes happen but we create an environment that if a the odd bit of wee or poop gets out it is easy to clean up then we will be fine.  It took me a bit to trust in the process and it took me a bit to notice when my daughter was communication. I could time some of the releases of output to feeds. It got easier to work out when and my daughter would engage in the process of communicating that she needed to toilet.  We had a wash basin that I found easier to use when she was little and I would hold her face forward in a squat position and make a “Pssssttt” noise at the same time as she would wee (and yes it went where it was supposed to go and not all over the walls and floor).  Poos were a little different and I would use a potty and yes she did express differently. We learned from each other.  It wasn’t coercive and it wasn’t about “My baby is so intelligent she doesn’t use nappies and she’s so incredibly bright that she tells me so”.  It was about being aware, observing and as a parent being on a learning curve.  I learned to tune in and also knew that certain things like a breastfeed would trigger a need to eliminate.  Later on, it meant that if we went out somewhere I could help cue her in to go.  Did I use nappies?  Yes. Sometimes I did put her in a nappy if we were going out somewhere and I knew it would be difficult to find a safe, hygienic place to go (and I admit that I lacked confidence at times in case…).  At home we didn’t use them.  It cut a lot of costs down and by a year she and I were very attuned (if I did use them it was either the Nature Girl ones or I had a couple of cloth ones that fitted like lined underpants and the rare occasion that she needed to use the nappy instead of the receptacle was probably less than 6 times).  By 18 months we had no need for nappies and didn’t have any that fitted. I did have a sheet for night time that was cotton one side and waterproof the other in case of any accident (we co-slept but she had that under her).  I only remember having to change it a couple of times and it was usually when she was sick.

Resources:

http://www.jessicabentson.com/ – free basic download available for those wanting to learn EC and Jessica Bentson does consultations for EC

http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/ – community for EC/NIH

http://www.gentleparents.com/bauer.html – article by Ingrid Bauer (sadly her own site seems to have gone and I’ve lost the contact details I had for her – her book is worth a read but hard to get a hold of)

About Me

I am a massage therapist, health coach, reflexologist and former home educator.  I birthed my daughter at home back in 2001 when it was not a very normal thing to do. I also breastfed her for 6 years. I utilised infant hygiene/EC principles with my daughter and it went very well resulting in huge savings both to the environment and our finances.