Like many coaches, when I do my initial discussion with prospective coachees we often hear “Oh I need to talk about this with my spouse first…” And off the person goes and often is never heard from again.
Sometimes it’s a polite excuse to say this phrase rather than say “Well, actually I’m not sure about coaching” or “I’m not sure if I can afford this…” or maybe there is uncertainty as to whether coaching can help.
Often in coaching circles we are told that the spouse discussion is something we have to accept. However, it’s 2020 so if a woman is still saying she needs to “check with” her spouse I get curious as to why. It may well be that yes together they make joint financial decisions and that there needs to be a genuine look through of what priorities are needed this month or season e.g. saving up for a holiday or the car has its MOT coming up etc. Fair enough and sometimes other priorities have to come first. However, I do get people who on me asking “What will your spouse think about coaching?” or “How does this issue affect your spouse?” or “Will your spouse be supportive about coaching if it is something YOU want to do?” respond in ways that clearly indicate that part of the issue is they either defer responsibility to others for important life decisions or that they are in a relationship which is not very balanced or may be unhealthy in some aspects. Sometimes the person will realise this and take a stand and say “Yes I am going to do this for me” and that can be a major breakthrough (and basically they received some valuable coaching right there and then plus coaching benefits everyone). If you create a more fulfilling life, feel healthier and love how you live then that’s going to spiral outwards so if you can invest in coaching and want to then it is a decision and choice worth making.
Elizabeth Plant is a holistic health coach specialising in holistic stress management and sleep issues- her website is at www.elizabethplant.co.uk